Self Confidence! We all need it, we all strive for more! It’s what helps us to succeed in life.
Have you ever watched somebody who you perceive as a confident person and wish that you could behave the way that they do? We all have some confidence within us it’s how we cope with every day events it’s just that some people have access to more than others.
Our confidence is built from a young age with each new task we overcome from walking as a baby, talking, running and everything we have to overcome during childhood and adulthood, we all grow our own confidence in our own ways and succeed at different levels.
Once it’s been knocked it can feel as though it’s too hard to regain that confidence back but this blog post will help you to see that it is possible and you can do it now.
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What Is Confidence
Confidence is our own greatest resource. With this we can face any situation knowing that we are able to handle it with ease and without unnecessary worry. Without confidence we are destined to suffer and fail.
I have many clients come to see me for self-confidence or the lack of it and I have helped many people regain and re teach themselves new levels of confidence. A lot of people who have dealt with a lack of confidence for many years don’t quite know what it is, and how to act confident. Even the smallest task can be tricky for somebody with a lack of self-confidence, they question their ability to get it done and shy away from things they may desperately want to do.
You may ask me “what is confidence” but confidence is hard to define as it is unique to each and every one of us, what I see as confident may be the complete opposite to what you see as confident and so forth.
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When having one to one sessions I like to flip it around and ask clients – “What do you see as confident?” Asking this question enables you to really think about what it is you want to have.
You may find a confident person has the below attributes:
- Stands tall
- Walks slowly
- Talks loud and clear
- Head held high
- Shoulders back
- Certain in what they are doing
- Doesn’t second guess themselves
- Able to face any task
These are just a few of the things that come up in a lot of therapy sessions as to what a confident person looks like and how they behave.
My personal definition of confidence is success! Without confidence we cannot succeed. Have you ever seen a shy un-confident person running a highly successful business? Thought not!
What Causes Lack Of Self Confidence?
During our lives there are many factors that can add to a lack of confidence this can start from a very young age and it can be a result of many external factors including:
- Fear of the unknown
- Fear of criticism
- Being unhappy with personal appearance
- Feeling unprepared
- Poor time management
- Lack of knowledge
- Previous failures
- Negative self-talk
- Failing to meet parental standards
- Failing to meet peer group standards
- Receiving other peoples stress
- Absence of praise
Thankfully confidence is a learnt behaviour and can be regained and re taught through simple techniques.
How Do I Build My Self Confidence
As stated above confidence is a learnt behaviour and you are able to re teach yourself new confident ways and feelings. A new behaviour can be learnt in just the way a new habit can be “it takes time to make or break a habit” it’s said that new habits are created anywhere between 21-28 days. Time here is not the issue but by repeatedly trying or forcing a new habit, it will slowly but surely become your automatic or default setting
A phrase I use with clients is “you’ve got to fake it until you make it” we can’t comfortably change our beliefs overnight just in the way we can’t suddenly feel confident after years of not. But what you are capable of doing is acting confident every day even if you feel uncomfortable at first, it will and does become easier and becomes second nature to you, until you no longer remember ever feeling that you had a lack of confidence.
Give it a go!
I want you to stand in the mirror and look at yourself, look at how you’re standing.
I want you to make sure you stand up straight, head up high, shoulders back and smile.
This is a simple technique I use as most people who are suffering from a lack of confidence stand with their shoulders slumped, head down, not facing anybody and not smiling.
See how that instantly shifts your negative feelings to more positive feelings? It’s hard to feel shy and miserable when you’ve got all of this going on on the outside. When you look confident on the outside you will start to see changes on the inside too, you will start to feel more confident and people will start to notice how confident you are.
I remember a boss of mine said to me once after turning up for work feeling down and miserable “when you step through that door to the reception desk I want you to imagine it’s a stage, and no matter how rubbish you feel right now you have to act that nothing is bothering you and that you are there to serve with a smile”
This has resonated in me for all of my years after that day and I take it with me everywhere I go. Every day I imagine that once I wake up and start my day I’m stepping onto my stage and being that confident person I know I am and can be.
Try it tomorrow when you wake up, open your eyes and tell yourself today is my day and this is my stage, I am going to be whoever I want to be. Carpe diem!! Seize the day!